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Submitted on
February 23, 2011
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Read this first!
This is a work in progress. Rather than leave it off DA and work on it privately I have decided to upload it and get feedback as I write it. I will probably upload the final version as a separate deviation (so as to lose all the work-in-progress comments). This is the first time I'm doing it this way and especially interesting since I don't usually write prose.

Jim is a having a bad day.
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PaperDart Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2011   Writer
Hah, this is awesome. Hope you find time and energy to continue it sometime. You have that un-pin-down-able knack for arranging words beguilingly.

Crit-wise, you should start a new paragraph whenever the speaker changes. Seems good, otherwise. You've certainly sparked my curiosity!
Wolfenlied Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I really need to continue this yes. I've just hit a busy-kills-creativity part in my life. :( This idea has been crawling around in my head for ages (even have journal about it if memory serves me right). Another idea I have is a dystopian cyberpunk setting.

Thank you for the new paragraph tip. I never knew that!

Also thank you for the compliment! It gives me hope. I sincerely appreciate it.
PaperDart Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2011   Writer
I think I remember your journal post about this. :nod:

It's my (current) opinion that unless writing is ones 'primary calling', other things in life take preference sometimes. If you're too stressed to do creative stuff, don't let that be an extra stressor! I hope things do calm down soon, though.

My pleasure!
Wolfenlied Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
In regards to that I found this quote
"A musician must make music, an artist must paint,
a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately
at peace with himself."

I am still asking myself that question:
What exactly is my primary calling?
snurtz Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011  Student Writer
"feint" ==> "faint"

Plus you forgot a comma at the end of the first paragraph.

I LOVE the alliteration there - "painfully perfect pronunciation" :D

Yeah, you are missing quite a few punctuation marks. =P

This has so many alliterations that it just makes me happy. Was that intentional?

Overall, this is really great - you really grabbed me with the line "This was a bad day; a pirate shouldn't be sober this early." Please continue!!!
Wolfenlied Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the heads up. Fixed. The alliterations were quite deliberate. I will continue... at some point. :blush:
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